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Anatomy of a Blow Job

The mighty women of earth come foreward and speak out as to the true feelings, fears, emotions, and complexities of performing oral sex.

"Ok dudes, listen up!"

  1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
  2. Extension to rule1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
  3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
  4. Extension to rule 3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
  5. My ears are NOT handles.
  6. Extension to rule 5 - do not push on the top of my head. Do you really WANT puke on your dick?
  7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get; it is NEVER OK to fart.
  8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
  9. Extension to 8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
  10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
  11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games, smoke a cigarette, watch TV, etc...immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
  12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule 2 about gratitude.
  13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
  14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV, smoke a cigarette, drink, etc...
  15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blowjobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
  16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to kissit good morning".
The manly men earthlings retaliate

  1. First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
  2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish
  3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
  4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
  5. If you ever tell me what to say and not to say to my friends again, you won't have to worry about getting those little hairs stuck in your teeth...because you won't have any.
  6. Maybe if you brushed your teeth and got the dick off your breath we would stick around afterward.
  7. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning.
  8. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get, trust me.
  9. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the shit end of the stick in flavor country.
  10. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth
  11. Play with the balls, nuture the balls, LOVE - the balls
  12. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
  13. Blowjobs are the only reason we spend time with you instead of our friends, take that away and you are, literally, useless.
  14. Caress the ass, too, we like that.
  15. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat (and you will) and looking for some action, gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
  16. If you swallow, then you won't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?
Leave the thinking to us, okay girls? Become A Multi Orgasmic Male

Women have long enjoyed the ability to have multiple orgasms in a singe lovemaking session; it's just not fair. Guys have the misfortune of a chemical imbalance immediately after ejaculating that makes them feel sleepy. Rolling over after one orgasm and falling asleep is a natural response for males. However, with training any guy can become a multi orgasmic male and enjoy the same number of orgasms as his female companion before passing out during 'cuddle time.

Ejaculation and Orgasm Aren't The Same Thing

The physical event of ejaculation (semen being pumped out of the penis) does not necessarily coincide with an orgasm (the pleasurable sensation of climax caused by a chemical response in the brain). It's possible for a man to ejaculate and not even have an orgasm. The reverse is also true; a man can have an orgasm without ejaculating.

Once a man is able to differentiate between his orgasm and ejaculating, he can train himself to control both events. All it takes to become multi orgasmic is strong enough pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles for short) to hold back ejaculation at will.

What Are Your PC Muscles?

Pubococcygeus muscles are the muscles that control the jolts and spasms that occur involuntarily during an orgasm. They are the same muscles you use to hold back urination. Strong PC muscles are always good for sexual health, a symptom of weak PC muscles is a long refractory period, the time after ejaculation during which another erection is not possible. A Gym Membership Is Not Necessary

Although the PC muscles flex involuntarily during ejaculation, we still have voluntary control over them the rest of the time. There are a number of exercises that can strengthen PC muscles. No special exercise equipment is necessary, a man just has to train himself to recognize his PC muscle group and flex them in a controlled manner. The best workouts involve bursts of short contractions of 10 - 20 repetitions performed 3 times in a row, about 2 to 3 times a week. Guys that are familiar with their PC muscle group are probably flexing them right now as they read this.

Guys that aren't familiar with their PC muscles will have to do all their working out in the bathroom. The easiest way to flex the PC muscle group is to stop urination mid stream. Some guys find this impossible when they first try it (a symptom of very weak PC muscles) but the act of attempting to stop urination is a workout. With practice urination can be stopped and started many times, and it's an excellent workout.

Once the muscles required to stop urination have been recognized, a male will be able to contract them at will, anytime and anywhere. Another exercise to get a well-rounded workout is to throw a towel over the erect penis and raise and lower it. These are penis push-ups. If a towel is too heavy a washcloth or a handkerchief can be used instead.

OK, I've Mastered The Penis Push-Up. Now What?

With strong enough PC muscles, becoming multi orgasmic is simple. During intercourse or while masturbating, gauge how close you are to orgasm and squeeze your PC muscles just before reaching the point of no return. Slowing down your rhythm might help to get the timing right. You will still experience an orgasm, but you won't ejaculate. Your cock will still remain hard and you can fuck or whack off until you have another orgasm and try it again. It's just that easy.

In the beginning you can't expect to have a 100% success ratio, but with practice it can be done every time and you won't have to stop having sex until you choose to do so. It's well worth the effort.

Recent Article

Lust has been wrongly branded a vice and should be "reclaimed for humanity" as a life-affirming virtue, according to a top philosopher.

Professor Simon Blackburn of Cambridge University is trying to "rescue" lust, arguing it has been wrongly condemned for centuries, the Sunday Times says. His campaign is part of an Oxford University Press project on the modern relevance of the seven deadly sins. The list of sins was drawn up by Pope Gregory the Great in the 6th Century. OUP has commissioned books on each of the sins - lust, anger, envy, gluttony, sloth, pride and greed.

Controlling lust

It says Prof Blackburn is aiming to save lust "from the denunciations of old men of the deserts, to deliver it from the pallid and envious confessor and the stocks and pillories of the Puritans, to drag it from the category of sin to that of virtue". According to the Sunday Times, Prof Blackburn has defined lust as "the enthusiastic desire for sexual activity and its pleasures for its own sake". The philosopher says that if reciprocated, lust leads to pleasure and "best flourishes when unencumbered by bad philosophy and ideology... which prevent its freedom of flow".

He points out that thirst is not criticised although it can lead to drunkenness and in the same way lust should not be condemned just because it can get out of hand, the paper says. Professor Blackburn is quoted as saying: "The important thing is that generally anything that gives pleasure has a presumption in its favor. "The question is how we control it."

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