Fleeting Humorous One Liners
A jealous man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:
Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
fall out of tree, not see. ......NO FEE!
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Pay Attention to this MORAL!
True story... I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
"The moral of this story is:"
"Always keep your condoms in your car."
Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type.
What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A. Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.
Why is the space between a girl's tits and hips called the waist?
Because you could put another pair of tits in there!
Q. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A. One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the other is used to carry groceries.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Why was Snow White arrested at DisneyLand?
Because she was caught sitting on Pinocchio's face saying, 'Lie Bastard....Lie!'
How Sex is Like a Roller Coaster?
You get on with your partner. There is anxious anticipation as you
start. You start slowly, climbing your way to the top.
There are smiles exchanged, and giggles, maybe even caressing or
hand holding. The excitement builds and builds. It nears the top.
The expressions on faces become wondrous and excited.
Then as it hits the pinnacle, things move very fast. There's a quick
motion, the heart races with complete excitement; faces are all in
total pleasure. Arms are flailing, heads are bouncing, and there is
some noticeable screaming going on.
The rest of the ride is up and down, twisting and turning, lots of
bumping, sometimes in the light, sometimes in the dark. Sometimes
there's a surprise, and sometimes it becomes all too familiar but
always, always at the end, there's a big smile on the face. Hair is
all messed up, and everyone is talking about how great it is, while
some of them say, "I wanna go again!"
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A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girlfriend's birthday. As
they had only started dating, after careful consideration, he decided
a pair of gloves would strike the right note: personal, but not too
personal.
Accompanied by the girlfriend's younger sister, he went to Dillards
and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of
panties for herself. During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the
items mixed up and the sister got the gloves and the girl friend got
the panties.
The guy sent the package to the girl friend with the following note:
I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing
any in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have
chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones
that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the sales
clerk that helped me has a pair that she has been wearing for the
past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on
for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt
other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance
to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them
before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from
wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming
year. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night. All my love.
PS: The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur
showing.
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