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Once a swinger realizes that his physical responses may very well be due to elements that inhere to the individual relationship rather than to innate sexual inadequacy, he has arrived at a very different conception of sexual relationships. He is better able to see women as human beings to whom he may be attracted and as personalities rather than as objects to be exploited for their sexual potential. In our terms, he can now more successfully individuate relationships with women.

Swinging ordinarily does not result in jealousy or marital break-ups, it may succeed in solidifying marriages by re romanticizing them and thereby making them tolerable and perhaps even enjoyable.

One reason for marital happiness among swingers: Swinging is an activity both spouses do together -- a unique pattern compared with other types of extramarital sex. Most people who continue to participate in swinging believe that such co marital sex embellishes and enriches marriages in all areas, especially in the erotic sector. While most swingers report that it makes a good marriage better, swinging evidently cannot very often save a poor marriage. Some swingers feel that a weak marriage probably will not survive swinging and that perhaps in such cases couples shouldn't swing. A very strong marriage will survive swinging -- but it a marriage is strong, why the need to swing? Hey, why not!

You get to wondering year after year a little bit more about if you could possibly make it with another gal: what would it be like; you want a little bit of variety; you don't love your partner any less but you want something a little bit deterrent. Just the newness of it, the experience with another person is very electrifying. It charges you up. It gives you something that you just can't get from someone that you know very, very well even though you may love them dearly. You just can't it under those circumstances. With swinging you have the opportunity to meet other people. You go with someone and have a sexual experience with someone else and no one thinks the less of you for it.

Some think "Oh, horror, that's supposed to be terrible". Well it isn't terrible and if you're free enough to allow your partner to have the same freedom, then this is fine. It used to be taken for granted that the man could go out and get himself a gal here and there and not too much flap came from this, but if the woman did it -- 'Oh, " again, "that's terrible and horrible". I can't accept that as being horrible and neither can my wife accept it as being horrible. As far as we're concerned, it is a good way to charge yourself up once in a while and get yourself an experience that you just can't get any other way. Your experiences with someone else enhance your own sexual experiences with your own partner. There are just some things you can't do with your own, you have to get them from outside sources.

Most swingers believe:  Swinging is not for all married couples. They do believe that swinging is better than sneaking around corners and lying to the partner about an outside relationship. Most agree with the statement "I think if two people agree on sex other than with their partners, then swinging perhaps is for them". To most swingers sex is a recreation which also satisfies a bodily hunger. Why do female swingers get involved?

As far as being asked why have you married if you're going to get into swinging. I have a lot more emotional aspects of life other than just sex. Sex is just one part of it. I have many years invested in building a complete and total relationship with my husband. Sex, like I say, is just one facet of it and it's been exclusive where as all my other relationships with people have not been exclusive. I'm able to talk to people. I'm able to dance with people, with all these things then why can't I have sex with them ? It doesn't have anything to do with the exclusive relationship I have with my partner, who happens to be my husband. This is my choice and it's the total, exclusive relationship that I want to keep and want to have and I don't want to get rid of; yet. I do have needs to have sexual fulfillment that I can't get from just one type of person. One person can't satisfy all my needs, and I can't satisfy all of anybody else's needs. As far as I can see, that's impossible.

Swingers systematically report that they find it very difficult to go to what they call "straight" parties where they end up playing the couples' game, flirtation games, and other kinds of games. Most of them believe that at swinging parties one does not have to play games, put up the couple front or flirt, one is able to get down to the basics of life and have sex with one another it it is mutually desirable.

Reasons for Swinging and finding swing partners? It is generally felt that you can divide swingers into those who participate for recreational and those who participate for utopian reasons. Recreational swingers see swinging as a social activity much like bowling, playing tennis and cards. Utopian swingers have a general philosophy of communitarians and wish to share not only sex but all other aspects of life with their fellow participants.

At this time there are relatively few scientific data that indicated what long-term effect swinging actually has on marriages. Nevertheless there is a general belief among swingers that swinging has a positive effect upon a marriage. They believe that sexual fidelity is harmful and breeds jealousy and a feeling of ownership between a husband and wife. According to them swinging does away with jealousy and helps each mate see the other as an individual and not as a possession. Another reason for participating in swinging is boredom with marital sex. Swingers feel that it is impossible for one person to satisfy another sexually over an extended period of time. Swinging is seen as a method of adding new excitement to the marriage, perhaps even salvaging it. Most swingers know couples who have tried to salvage a bad marriage by swinging, but they ague that this generally has not been very successful. Most swingers believe that swinging alone cannot save a bad marriage. They do believe that it can strengthen a good marriage.

There may be deeper psychological reasons for swinging. It is believed that men may need to translate early sexual fantasies into reality and that women may be fulfilling social-romantic needs. Some believe that because of the marginality of the new middle class, they seek experiences with others in order to feel they belong. They participate in swinging to develop social ties and to satisfy the need for sexual fulfillment that is a result of their restrictive middle-class backgrounds. Swinging gives them an opportunity to do both without disrupting their general lifestyle.

All reasons, whether social, psychological, or sociological, are at the present time only speculation. One could easily conclude that the reasons for participating in swinging are as varied as swingers themselves.

Jealousy In Swinging Generally, swingers do not show jealousy on the surface. Most swingers argue that this is because by going to parties together and leaving together, they realize their commitment to each other as a couple. Thus, they do not feel threatened because the other partner has gone into another room to have sexual relations with another individual. One such swinger said, "We both know that each of us have experiences with other people and, yet, we come back to each other because we want to be together" They feel that this gives you a feeling of security that you never had before because you feel and know that the partner is coming back to you even though they have had a sexual relationship with someone else. They feel that this builds up self confidence and security.

For a couple to engage in swinging, they must throw off the belief that having sexual relations outside of marriage is improper, they must break the shackles of the double standard. That is, the wife will be having sexual relations with other males much as the male may have had sexual relations outside the marriage with another partner previously.

In an interview with me, one woman swinger reported:

I always felt perhaps I didn't have a normal response, because I was never jealous .To me, it was always a compliment when my husband would have a good relationship with someone. Gee, he's my partner. Its sort of a reflection of me, and the reason I feel this way is because I remember my first party where it was kind of late at night and I was sitting by the fireplace waiting for my husband and he appeared with this attractive woman and she came up to me and gave me a big hug and kiss and said "I'm so glad you came tonight. You have such a terrific husband " It made me feel, not jealous, but warm and good and great. And she's been our friend and I'm grateful to her because I've never been jealous. Quite the opposite. That's what it's all about. Sharing a good thing.

Swinging for most women changes their view of the world and sexual relations. Many argue that it has made a complete turn-around in their life from the way they viewed the world two or three years before swinging. In attempting to determine what causes some women to go into swinging, I have already noted that many are urged by their husbands and others go into swinging to carry out their fantasies. One such woman I interviewed reported that she finally acquiesced in going to a swinging party saying that she would not participate but would be willing to go and observe, have dinner and a drink or two. She said:

"Well, I had just enough to drink and I saw a man that I liked. I tried him and I liked him, I'm not kidding you. My whole outlook on life has changed -- it's been a scream. We have talked more, in fact, I think he wants to gag me now, and it's just beautiful. I cannot believe our life since I started participating in swinging. When we first got married he was not particularly interested in sexual relations, but now he won't leave me alone. For anyone in trouble, you should try it. He's 33 and I'm 22, and I don't know, but my sexual appetite is different from his. I mean, I guess I'm sowing my wild oats or whatever, while he just wants it once a week or sometimes twice. I was, like, climbing up the wall with sexual frustration -- or putting it more bluntly, I was not getting enough, and it was driving me up the wall. Since participating in swinging, as I said, all he wants to do is talk and have sexual relations with me all the time."

Swingers generally believe: There is a swinging couple on every block and from this they argue that swingers are not "a bunch of freaked-out people". One woman I interviewed reported that her first evening began when her husband came home and told her they were going to a swinging party. He had seen an ad in the paper, called them up, and the swing club had said to come over for an interview.

So then he said , Okay we have an interview, we have to go right now, get your clothes on". So I thought, wait a minute, we're going to go. So I put my clothes on. I 'm going to play along with this game and here we go. We 're just going for an interview, right! Well, the interview was at 8:00 and the party was at 9:00. So here we were and the next thing I know there were all these people taking their clothes off, and I thought, my God, help me. Tom's really having a ball, that's really what he was doing, and I'm sitting here on the couch having all these mixed emotions. I'm watching these people, and it's not like any other party that I ever been to, not only in the fact that they are taking their clothes off, but they seem to be actually honest and good people, no phoney facade. In fact, I went to the bathroom and this other lady went with me and she asked me it I was having fun, I said, "Not really." She said, "Well, why aren't you balling? Haven't you seen anything you want?" I said. "No, not really". "Well," she said, "listen, you're missing the best thing in my husband, try him". Well I had just enough to drink and I tried him and I liked him.

Advantages Sexual variety, sexual fulfillment, and the potential of carrying out of one's fantasies are among the advantages of swinging. Sexual excitation increases for both partners as a result of the new types of sexual experiences and there are discussions of actual sexual experiences. Women receive a great deal of positive reinforcement, they may begin seeing themselves as more desirable. "Women informally report that they have been able to shed sexual inhibitions that they were raised with". According to many swingers, you have more of a feeling of your own "personhood", you think of yourself as a person and not a thing. As I read in an interview.

You realize, hey, here I am -- I don't have to do all this garbage, and say all those horrible things that I never used to be able to say, and if people don't like me for what I am, tough -- that's their problem, not mine and I think it really does build you up as a person.

Some swingers argue that swinging creates stronger bonds between couples. Married couples find that swinging increases their ability to communicate with each other. Many couples believe that if a married couple can discuss swinging together, they can discuss anything. Generally, swingers believe they experience individual growth and develop an ability to communicate better with other people.

Generally: 

Swingers believe that swinging has a positive effect on their marriage. About 85 percent of both husbands and wives feel that swinging is not a threat to marriage or love between spouses. None of them reported that their marriage became worse since they began swinging, and the majority feel their marriages have improved. Husbands in particular consistently reported a high level of marital happiness and adjustment. Apparently, swinging has had no negative effect on the sexual lives of the couples; in fact, swinging couples have sexual intercourse more frequently than the general population. More than half of the swinging couples have sex together more than four times a week as compared with only 16 percent of the general population. Many swingers reported that rather than dampening their ardour for each other, swinging often caused an arousal of sexual interest for each other. Many of them often engaged in sex together immediately after resuming home from a swinging party.

Weird And Funky Spunky Wild Sex Facts

So, You Want Her To Swallow? Semen tastes sweeter if you haven't been eating meat. It's also an old wives tale that eating pineapple makes it taste really good.

An Amazing Organ… The vagina is self-cleaning, kind of like the oven. Is that were the term "one in the oven" comes from?.

Production Far Exceeds Demand…

A healthy male's ejaculate contains over 200 million sperm. If every one of these were able to find an egg, the average guy could easily fertilize 5 billion eggs in less than two weeks (this would double the current population of the earth).

Of course, the time required would vary slightly between individuals and be affected by environmental factors like diet and the availability of porn.

The Best Cure For A Headache…

A female orgasm releases endorphins (chemicals released in the brain that give us pleasure) and these are powerful painkillers. Having a headache is a reason to have sex, not to abstain from it.

So You Think You're The Father…

The more recent Kinsey studies that included genetic testing found one in ten children in America is mistaken about their father's identity.

Also, a British study found that a woman is more likely to become pregnant with a lover rather than her husband, when she's been having sex with both in a given time period and even having sex with her husband more often.

How Many Of Us Are Cheaters?

The results of sex polls are generally inconsistent, but the range of inconsistency on infidelity questionnaires is especially high.

The results of the various Kinsey polls over the last 50 years asking if a person has committed at least one act of extramarital sex have revealed numbers as low as 15% and as high as 65% - and are as inconsistent in the 1950's as they are in the 1990's.

Most Polls show a higher percentage of male infidelity, but some reveal an even percentage, suggesting women are just as likely to cheat. One thing is certain- there are a lot of liars and unfaithful spouses out there.

Is It As Long As A Baby's Arm?

The average erect penis is six inches in length, although flaccid measurements vary considerably.

The New Way To Hook Up and Fall in Love…

Computers have made it easier to get laid. There is an Internet dating site, boasting over 10 million registered members. Currently 18,000 new people a day join to find someone for a casual affair.

I love to look at naked women. I bet you do too -- even if you're a girl. We may also especially love the act of a woman undressing -- her mystery being revealed bit by bit

Sexual tourism is a red-hot button on the scale of politically correct travel. While ostensibly about pleasure, jetting off to partake in exotic, erotic smorgasbords for a price is an activity that taps directly into deeply ingrained perceptions of gender, race and uncomfortable global intercourse between First, Second and Third World culturesThe female nude is ancient, one of the first things we learn about in that junior college art history course. She's the full-figured Venus of Willendorf, the bare-breasted, nursing Madonna in religious paintings, the figure studies attributed to so many male art historical kingpins. You know the drill -- nude women having an impressionist al fresco lunch with clothed guy; the nude descending staircase; the naked women covered in Yves Klein Blue and writhing on blank canvas.

Fast forward to the 1970s, when feminism and ideas about gender-specific gazes were the ideology du jour, and the female nude became a contested art genre. The political implications of unclothed women as subject became too loaded to be about pleasure or appreciation, except for boorish sorts who ignored signals of political correctness and brazenly exercised a libidinous eye. generational shift in the social acceptability of frankness about sexuality and its representation. It offers tangible evidence that the current administration in Washington in no way represents a majority of this country's electorate, who would, given a fair chance, reject its cultural neoconservatism. It shows us that this country's attitudes regarding matters sexual have changed radically, most probably, for the long termIn

Nicholson Baker's phone-sex novel "Vox" the male interlocutor poses a question to his female counterpart. "So if you walked into a room," he says, "and there was an armchair, and a table, and on one end of the table was a TV and a VCR and an X-rated tape, and at the other end of the table was some book of Victorian pornography, what would you choose?" And she answers, "The Victorian pornography, no question." "That's incredible to me," he replies.

Pictures of women, taken by women, are different from those taken by men -- or are they? It's what she rightly calls "the classic opposition," the belief that men like to look and women like to imagine. And while you can't doubt that there's at least a kernel of truth in it, you also have to question the unspoken assumptions behind that opposition: Does visual representation -- a category that, besides porno movies and magazines, would have to include all movies, photographs and painting -- necessarily limit our imagination? Or can visuals be an incitement to our own fantasies? For all the women I know who have said they prefer written to visual erotica, I've known plenty who get turned on by visual erotica. And if men were sexually unmoved by erotica that requires some imagination, how do you explain the proliferation of phone-sex lines -- or for that matter "Penthouse Forum"? The dirty secret of the porn video industry is that it churns out a rather mundane, commonplace product, as pervasive as the daily penis enlargement and celebrity skin spam we all get in our e-mail boxes. Porn films maintain the aura of naughtiness, yet they're part of a huge, income-generating business that enters into just about every home in America. Seen Ron Jeremy and his curvy female colleagues on that late-night infomercial lately?

The grainy, night-vision sex video circulating the Internet will satisfy people wanting to see Paris Hilton debased. (Is that redundant?) But Pamela and Tommy Lee have nothing to fear

It's beginning to get cold outside, and cozy office cubicles this week were warmed by the hotly anticipated release of the Paris Hilton Sex Tape -- or at least the three-minute highlight reel that's circulating the Web, and will have to satisfy until a director's cut premieres.

Is it really Paris Hilton, the 22-year-old full-time party girl and heiress to the Hilton Hotel family fortune, on the grainy video? The woman certainly looks like her -- at least in close-up. And there seems no doubt a video exists. While Hilton denied as much a few weeks ago, her publicist, Siri Garber, has admitted its existence to the press, including Salon. "It is actually illegal for anyone to posess this tape -- it is a felony -- and the Hilto [sic] family is taking action against anyone who has the tape," Garber told Salon in an e-mail, responding to our inquiries last week, "so I suggest you do not pursue this further ..."

Nothing says "Christmas" like a good old-fashioned circle jerk by the fire.

For all you squares who don't know what a circle jerk is, turn to Page 88 of the Abercrombie & Fitch Quarterly, under the picture of wet, naked college kids and the heading "Group Sex." (It's difficult to figure out where you are in the book since most pages aren't numbered.) It reads: "Sex, as we know, can involve one or two, but what about even more? ... A pleasant and supersafe alternative to this is group masturbation."

In the U.S. adult film industry, Asian women are a sexual fetish and Asian men are almost completely absent. Prof. Darrell Hamamoto wants to change that -- by producing skin flicks with Asian male stars. A lot of guys might jump at the opportunity to take a free trip to Los Angeles, have sex with a beautiful Asian woman and be paid for it. But it took months for Darrell Hamamoto to get someone to take the bait because there was a catch -- the tryst would be filmed for an adult video titled "Skin to Skin" being produced by Hamamoto.

Casting a porn shoot is not a big deal in Southern California, the capital of the multibillion-dollar adult movie industry. What made Hamamoto's request unusual was that he wasn't looking for just any guy with the "right equipment" for the job. He wanted an Asian American stud to co-star with an Asian American woman for his video -- something unheard of in the industry, which produces thousands of heterosexual-porn videos in the United States every year.

The standard answer to that question goes something like this: Porn is aimed at a straight male audience. (Which is true enough, but already we're on shaky ground; how do you account for the straight women who are also watching it, comprising, in some estimates, 49 percent of porn renters?) For those men, lesbian scenes offer sex without any male competitor. And that's where, if you have any knowledge of porn, the logic of the argument simply falls apart. Former underage porn queen Traci Lords chats about how Ronald Reagan saved her life, dressing like a pony for a Japanese spanking party, and how she's helping teen girls out of the kind of life she led.

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